An all too common problem that we address in family therapy is when children are less than completely honest about whether they have homework. The problem typically begins with the parent simply asking “Do you have any homework tonight?” or the even more presumptive question “How much homework do you have tonight?”   Such questions create countless opportunities for children to offer partially truthful answers, sometimes intended to be deceptive to their parent or just being unrealistic with themselves.

The child who incorrectly believes they will have plenty of time tomorrow before 5th hour to review their spelling words or the child who reasons that a project due on Friday doesn’t count when answering the homework question on Tuesday night doesn’t see themselves as blatantly lying to their parent. Still others will outright lie to their parent to avoid doing homework no matter what the consequence may be.

One of the most effective strategies in preventing this form of parent-child conflict is to never ask the question! 

Instead, let’s consider “homework” as really being a combination of assignments given by a teacher plus assignments given by a parent. Your child may or may not have assignments from their teachers but should always have assignments given by their parent. So, they always have homework.

Parent assignments may include review of previous teacher assignments, copying over notes, answering study questions or working math problems at the end of a chapter, reading a chapter of a book for a book report due next week, playing an educational game, etc. Once the parent has determined an appropriate amount of homework, given the child’s age and ability, then the parent simply adds to the amount of teacher assignments until the total amount is reached. Most children and teens catch on quickly that they might as well complete the teacher assignments because they will be doing homework one way or the other.

If you are anticipating that problems are likely to emerge as the fall semester begins, we can help. Our licensed professional staff are skilled in working with children and their families when ADD/ADHD, learning disabilities, oppositional and defiant attitudes, depression, anxiety, or other issues that interfere with academic success and joyful family life.

>> Read Part 2 >>

Written by William Berman, Ph.D.